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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112999">Found &amp; Lost</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlvtfireside/pseuds/vlvtfireside'>vlvtfireside</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Blood and Injury, Bullying, Character Death, Childhood Friends, Fluff and Angst, Friends to Lovers, Heavy Angst, Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, I Made Myself Cry, It Gets Worse, Jealousy, M/M</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-01-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-20 13:01:14</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Major Character Death</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>8,567</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112999</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/vlvtfireside/pseuds/vlvtfireside</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>"Iwaizumi never wanted to fall in love. Well, he never actually believed in falling in love with someone to begin with. It just didn’t make sense to him – how could a person feel such strong feelings towards someone that they wanted to spend their entire life with them?"</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>28</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Found &amp; Lost</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>Okay first words - i am very sorry for writing this. But don't bame me for this, it's my friend's fault - she sent me english version of Fuyu no hanashi at 4 am and i came up with this what was i supposed to do?<br/>Top 3 songs that fit this fanfic are - Found &amp; Lost and Red by Survive Said The Prophet and Fuyu No Hanashi cover by Madds Buckley.<br/>Umm enjoy hehe!</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Iwaizumi never wanted to fall in love. Well, he never actually believed in falling in love with someone to begin with. It just didn’t make sense to him – how could a person feel such strong feelings towards someone that they wanted to spend their entire life with them?</p><p>It was stupid in his opinion. He believed that it was just made up for stupid fairytales to make falling asleep easier for little kids. He did love people around him though. He loved his parents, his friends, but the love he felt towards them was not romantic love of course, however that amount of love was enough for him to do everything to them.</p><p>He also loved Oikawa despite the fact that he never admitted it to him because he knew his friends would never let him hear the end of it. He never actually showed love towards Oikawa the way other people did with the people they loved, because he never really knew how to do it and he also didn’t want to make it too awkward between them. They’ve known each other since they were just kids and Oikawa knew that Iwaizumi wouldn’t stay by his side no matter what for eighteen years if he didn’t love him. Plus, Iwaizumi wasn’t the type of guy to express his feelings with words that easily, he didn’t know why but he thought it made him look vulnerable in other’s eyes. He might’ve not said it directly, but he always showed his love to people around him, they just had to pay enough attention to see it.</p><p>Back to him not believing about falling in love – he always argued about it with Oikawa and others. It wasn’t really arguing, it was more of a discussing which later always led to Oikawa talking about every romance movie and show he has ever seen and how falling in love with someone does happen and Iwaizumi was being his unromantic self.</p><p>“How am I being unromantic when I’m just saying the truth?” Iwaizumi said and leaned back against the tree while stretching his legs forward, the bottom of his shoes touching Oikawa’s leg who was sitting cross-legged in front of him on the ground, causing him to let out a yelp and slap Iwaizumi’s feet away from his.</p><p>“Stop touching my new pants with your dirty shoes!” Oikawa said with whiny voice and then looked Iwaizumi in the eye. “The truth that literally makes person want to jump off a building?” He said as he leaned forward and placed his elbows on his legs, then resting his chin on his fist and waited for Iwaizumi’s answer who just shrugged.</p><p>“Really? That’s your answer?” Matsukawa let out a little laugh from next to him, making Oikawa to break eye contact with Iwaizumi and look at his other friends in front of him. Suddenly, his eyes sparkled and pointed his finger at Matsukawa and Hanamaki.</p><p>“Look at them! How can you not believe in love after you look at them!”</p><p>Iwaizumi hated to admit it but Oikawa had point there, because as soon as he looked next to him and saw Hanamaki lying on the ground with his back, his head in Matsukawa’s lap who continued playing with his hair and smiling softly at him, he couldn’t stop himself from smiling a little bit. He knew Oikawa noticed him smiling a little bit because he let out a short “yes!” and clapped his hands in the air as if he just won something.</p><p>“I never said I don’t believe in love; I just don’t think people actually <em>fall in</em> love – there’s difference.” Iwaizumi shrugged again and put his hands in the pockets of his hoodie. Oikawa massaged his temples like he was trying to stop himself from yelling at him and as he opened his mouth to say something else, Hanamaki stopped him by waving his hand in air softly, then looked up at Iwaizumi without getting up from where he was.</p><p>“Okay then how do you explain what’s going on between me and Issei?” He said with his usual grin on his face because every time they started discussing this subject, as soon as he asked this question – Iwaizumi was never able to give him an answer that wasn’t “I have no idea what’s going on between you two to begin with.”</p><p>“Well, I- I just can’t believe person can have such strong feelings towards another person that they want to get married to them, it just doesn’t make sense!” He answered and looked at Oikawa, who rolled his eyes because he has heard this sentence thousand times already. Then he looked back at his friends. “Do you two think about getting married?”</p><p>“We don’t plan getting married right now, but in near future why not.” Matsukawa said.</p><p>“If we’re still together by then.”</p><p>“Yes, exac- wait what?!”</p><p>“Just kidding. Any other question about our future, Hajime?” Hanamaki let out a small giggle and took Matsukawa’s hand that was resting on his stomach in his hand and intertwined their fingers together, then placed it on his chest as he waited for Iwaizumi’s answer. Matsukawa put his another and on Hanamaki’s shoulder and looked up at the sky.</p><p>Oikawa made gagging noise. “You two are gross.”</p><p>“You’re just jealous you still don’t have a girlfriend.” Hanamaki winked at him, knowing that Iwaizumi wasn’t going to say anything else by now.</p><p>“Or boyfriend.” Matsukawa added, causing Oikawa to blow out his cheeks and cross in front of his chest. “Like, seriously, you can be in a relationship with both a girl <em>and</em> a boy and by gods, somehow you’re still single?”</p><p>“Maybe it has something to do with his personality.” Hanamaki said and looked at Iwaizumi again. “What do you think, Hajime? I’m right, aren’t I?”</p><p>“Oh, yes, definitely.” Iwaizumi answered with smile on his face. He loved teasing Oikawa both alone and with their friends. It was also his way of showing his love, <em>platonic</em> <em>love</em>, to Oikawa. He also loved watching Oikawa get flustered because of their comments.</p><p>“This is cruel, three against one is not fair!” Oikawa whined out like he always did and then looked at Hajime, throwing flower he was playing with in his face. “You’re supposed to take my side! What kind of friend are you!”</p><p>“I’m not taking sides here, Oikawa. I’m just doing whatever entertains me.”</p><p>“Oh, being cruel towards me is entertaining?!” Oikawa said after letting out offended gasp and rose up from where he was sitting, getting closer to Iwaizumi with his knees and when he got close enough, he raised his hand to mess up Iwaizumi’s hair because he knew his friend hated when someone touched his hair, but before he had chance to do it, Iwaizumi wrapped his hand around Oikawa’s wrists, keeping them together in air.</p><p>“Not going to lie to you, Tooru, yes, it’s very entertaining.” Iwaizumi said and looked at Oikawa with a smirk, taller boy knowing what was about to happen. He tried to free himself from Iwaizumi but he couldn’t stop himself from letting out a loud yell-laughter when Iwaizumi started tickling him on his sides with his right hand.</p><p>“S-stop!” Oikawa breathed out and let out another giggle. Iwaizumi tried to ignore his heart skipping a beat in his chest when he saw Oikawa’s cheeks reddening and him having the biggest grin on his face, yet still trying to free himself from Iwaizumi.</p><p>Iwaizumi was about to say something when suddenly Oikawa lost the balance and, in few seconds, Iwaizumi felt Oikawa’s chest against his, his friend’s face suddenly close to his own and he also felt blush creeping up on his neck and cheeks because Oikawa was so <em>close</em>.</p><p>“And you call <em>us</em> gross, Oikawa?” Hanamaki spoke up and Iwaizumi saw him holding up his phone, then there was a flash. “Huh, I’ll be keeping this.”</p><p>“Delete it.” Iwaizumi said and he pushed Oikawa’s face away from his with his palm, ignoring Oikawa yelling out something about how brute Iwaizumi was as he caressed his nose as if Iwaizumi did something too damaging.</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Takahiro-“</p><p>“Anyways, back to the falling in love with topic!” Matsukawa interrupted with grin.</p><p>Iwaizumi wasn’t paying attention to what his friends were saying anymore, he was deeply in his thoughts. They all had point, especially Matsukawa and Hanamaki.</p><p>“Maybe I say I don’t believe in falling in love because I’m scared that if I do feel once for person that way, they won’t return the feelings?” Suddenly, Iwaizumi thought and looked up at the sky, hoping that would not happen any time soon.</p><p>Iwaizumi was lot of things but morning person wasn’t in that list, unlike Oikawa and his boyfriend knew that too well. However, for some weird reason he still always decided to break into his room from window at 6 am every morning and drag Iwaizumi out from the bed if it was necessary – it wasn’t though, they didn’t have school for next two hour and Iwaizumi couldn’t understand why Oikawa thought he had to be so evil to him. Maybe it was a payback for him being brutal to Oikawa all of the time.</p><p>“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa said loudly and grabbed the edge of comforter, pulling it off and Iwaizumi shivered when he felt cold winter air hitting his skin.</p><p>“Leave me alone, I want to sleep.” Iwaizumi said sleepily and put pillow over his head, ignoring how his body was freezing. He heard how Oikawa sighed out and placed his cold hands-on Iwaizumi’s shoulders to piss him off even more. It worked. “Oikawa! Come here!” Iwaizumi yelled out and removed the pillow from his face; before Oikawa could react and take a step back, Iwaizumi reached out and grabbed both of his hands, then turning around to lie on his back and tugged Oikawa forward, making him fall down on his chest with letting out a small yelp. Then Iwaizumi raised his leg, wrapped it around Oikawa’s and turned them over – now Oikawa’s back was pressed on the mattress and Iwaizumi was on top of him. Oikawa blew out his cheeks and tried to free his wrists, didn’t work.</p><p>“You’re so cold.”</p><p>“Oh, you think so?”</p><p>“No, I mean, your body is cold, can you get off me?” Oikawa whined out and tried to make Iwaizumi move away from him but of course another boy was way stronger than him. Iwaizumi shook his head and grinned down at Oikawa. “Please?”</p><p>“No.”</p><p>“Hajime, please!” Oikawa rolled his eyes when Iwaizumi shook his head again and next thing Iwaizumi knew someone – Oikawa – was biting his shoulder. Hard.</p><p>“You fucking bas-“ Iwaizumi let out weird noise because for gods sake since when were Oikawa’s teeth so sharp and pulled away as fast as he possibly could.</p><p>“I knew it would work.” Oikawa said with victorious grin on his face and pushed Iwaizumi again, sitting more comfortably on the edge of the bed.</p><p>“If you continue doing this, I will kill you.” Iwaizumi growled and placed his hand on the spot where Oikawa sunk his teeth in painfully. Oikawa gasped as he put his hand over his heart and threw another one in the air dramatically.</p><p>“But I’m too young to die! I have so much more to live for!” Oikawa said with the biggest smile on his face and Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself from smiling as well.</p><p>“For example?” Iwaizumi knew the answer, he just wanted to hear it again.</p><p>“Well… Volleyball of course! I want to go to Argentina and play as professional! Also, my family, our friends… oh and I really want to see Takeru learning how to drive a car and him getting a girlfriend or a boyfriend.” Oikawa said in one breath and then placed his finger under his chin as he was thinking, like he forgot to say something. “And…”</p><p>“And?”</p><p>“And you of course! I want us to get married someday in future, buy a house and live there with our kid and maybe even buy a cat!” Oikawa gasped and turned this whole body to look at Iwaizumi better, his eyes sparkling. “You’ll let me buy a cat, right?”</p><p>Iwaizumi hated cats. Oikawa knew that. Everyone knew it actually, he loved dogs over any other animal… However, Oikawa asking that question as he had his hands on his cheeks, his eyes blushing and excitement in his eyes…</p><p>“Of course.” Iwaizumi said and slid his fingers in Oikawa’s hair, tucking his hair behind ear and smiling softly at him. “But you’ll be the one taking care of it, not me.”</p><p>“I know you don’t like cats but trust me, you’ll love her when we get one.”</p><p>“Her?”</p><p>“Yes, Iwa-chan, her.” Oikawa grinned and suddenly lied down on the bed, placing his head in Iwaizumi’s lap and stretching his legs on the bed. Iwaizumi rolled his eyes because he knew what that action meant; Oikawa wanted him to play with his hair. He really was like a cat.</p><p>“Um, do you often think about our future?” Iwaizumi asked after few minutes of silence. Oikawa opened his eyes and looked up at him, smile not leaving his face.</p><p>“Of course, it’s like scenarios in my head every night before I fall asleep. I love thinking about it… Do you?” He answered and waited for Iwaizumi’s answer.</p><p>“I do, sometimes. However, I try not to think about it that much.” Iwaizumi said with low voice and saw how smile disappeared from Oikawa’s face and how he started to get worried. “I don’t mean like that, calm down. Of course, I want to have future with you… I’m just scared that… what if something bad happens?”</p><p>“What can possibly happen?” Oikawa said and took Iwaizumi’s hand in his.</p><p>“I don’t know… What if we fight so badly that we won’t want to see each other ever again, what if one of us get hurt, what if-“</p><p>“If you continue worrying about what can possibly happen, you will lose what you have in present, Hajime…” Oikawa said softly and sat up, taking Iwaizumi’s face in his hands and looking at him in the eyes. “We’ve never left each other’s side since we were kids, I don’t have a single memory without you in it, what makes you think that we will lose each other now out of all times?”</p><p>“You can never know what happens in future, Tooru, that’s what I’m scared of.”</p><p>“But that doesn’t mean you should only think about future, though. What’s the point of worrying about future if you forget to live in present?” Oikawa said and smiled at him, placing small kiss on Iwaizumi’s forehead. “Just… don’t worry about it too much, okay? I’m here and I’m not going anywhere any time soon.”</p><p>“Okay.” Iwaizumi said and suddenly he did feel calm, but there was still this weird feeling in his stomach that was not letting him breath properly. He tried to ignore it, because Oikawa was there right in front of him, and that was all that mattered. “I love you.”</p><p>“Awh, aren’t you the guy who was saying he didn’t believe in falling in love only months ago?” Oikawa giggled, causing Iwaizumi to roll his eyes and pinch his cheeks.</p><p>“Either say it back or shut up.”</p><p>“Fine, fine. I love you too.” Oikawa smiled and left small peck on Iwaizumi’s cheek after getting up and looked at the clock, then back at Iwaizumi and ruffled his hair. “I have to go now; you know I always run at this time. I’ll see you later, 7:45 like always?”</p><p>“I actually have to get to school early today, I’ll probably have to leave around 7:10.”</p><p>“Oh. Well, I’ll see you at school then.” Oikawa said and opened the window again.</p><p>“You know you can just walk out from the front door like a normal human being, right?” Iwaizumi said and rolled his eyes when Oikawa shot him a grin over his shoulder and jumped out from the window. “It’s first floor but I don’t want you to get hurt.”</p><p>“Where’s fun in that then?” Oikawa threw his hands in the air and looked up at Iwaizumi again, who just rolled his eyes again and leaned down to kiss Oikawa again. “Also, you should stop rolling your eyes so often, you’ll hurt your eyesight.”</p><p>“Fuck off.” Iwaizumi said and smacked the back of Oikawa’s head slightly, making him pout and cross his arms in front of his chest. “Go now, I’ll see you later.”</p><p>“You better greet me as I deserve when you do!” Oikawa said and let out a small laugh, then turned over on his heels and walked away from Iwaizumi’s house.</p><p>“Why am I even in love with him?” Iwaizumi said with low but soft voice while looking at Oikawa walking towards his house. Answer was very clear – because he was Tooru.</p><p>Everything happened so fast, it happened in the blink of an eye. Despite the fact that he didn’t believe in love, Iwaizumi always knew he looked at the boys the same way he looked at the girl – his friends and family knew it too.</p><p>But what he didn’t know was that all these years he was just convincing himself that the feelings and love he had for Oikawa was the one everyone else had for their childhood best friends. He had to thank Matsukawa and Hanamaki for making him understand it, though.</p><p>When they first started talking about it, Iwaizumi didn’t listen, he just brushed it off and said that they were messing with him and that they pulling a prank on him. But even after when they dropped that topic, Iwaizumi couldn’t stop himself from thinking about it for days, weeks, months. Answer didn’t come that easily and Iwaizumi tried his best to stop thinking about it, that didn’t work either.</p><p>His heart started skipping a beat every time Oikawa smiled at him, every time he hugged him or showed at least little bit of affection. He couldn’t stop his mind from thinking about what it would be like to hold Oikawa’s face in his hands and what it would be like to kiss him.</p><p>He wanted to know what it would be like to be with Oikawa.</p><p>But there was this one moment that made him realize that Matsukawa and Hanamaki weren’t messing with him – that he was really in love with Oikawa.</p><p>It happened around in the beginning of September when they visited the flower field where they discussed how unromantic Iwaizumi was for not believing in falling in love again two months later. But this time, they were without their friends, it was only Oikawa and Iwaizumi like the old times – before they meet Issei and Takahiro.</p><p>Oikawa was annoying Iwaizumi like always, he was running forward without listening to Iwaizumi who was yelling at him to slow down because he wouldn’t catch up – like it always happened when they were kids. Suddenly, he slowed down and then stopped, slightly turned around and looked over his shoulder, smiling at Iwaizumi who was standing frozen little further away from him. He gave him the genuine smile he usually didn’t show to anyone else.</p><p>And when Iwaizumi saw him standing there in the middle of the field full of different flowers, his brown hair ridiculously lot more fluffy than it usually is for some weird reason while cool autumn wind messing it up a little bit, sunlight hitting the side of his face – making him brighter than he already was because he was always <em>glowing</em> when he smiled, that was exactly when Iwaizumi realized that the feelings that he had for Oikawa was far bigger than what he felt for his other friends.</p><p>He found it ironic that he realized he was in love with his childhood best friend exactly in the place where months ago he was saying that person having such strong feelings for someone else was stupid.</p><p>And suddenly, before he could even realize what he was doing or before he could think about the fact that there was possibility of Oikawa not feeling the same way towards him, he took a step forward, ignoring Oikawa’s shocked face as he cupped his face with his hands. He always hated that Oikawa was taller than him but this time he didn’t care, he reached out till he had his forehead against Oikawa’s and before pressing their lips together, he looked in Oikawa’s eyes and realized just then how beautiful they were.</p><p>As soon as he felt Oikawa’s lips against his, he couldn’t help himself but to close his eyes while Oikawa was standing frozen on the spot, his breath stuck in his throat. He couldn’t realize what was happening, he couldn’t believe it was happening because this was something he wished happening since they were in middle school. Iwaizumi felt how Oikawa smiled against his lips and then his hands rested on Iwaizumi’s waist, pulling him closer while deepening the kiss.</p><p>“Took you long enough.” Oikawa whispered out breathlessly after breaking the kiss but not moving even a little bit from Iwaizumi.</p><p>“I just realized I’m in love with you…” Iwaizumi said quietly as he caressed Oikawa’s cheek softly with his hand. Oikawa let out a small chuckle and sighed.</p><p>“I’m glad, even though you made me wait for <em>years</em>.” Iwaizumi looked at him with confused face. “I’ve been in love with you since we in middle school.”</p><p>“What?!” Iwaizumi almost yelled and took a step behind. “Why didn’t you say anything?”</p><p>“Hm, I don’t know, Iwa-chan. Maybe because your whole life you’ve been saying you don’t believe it’s possible for two people to love each other that much?” Oikawa said and crossed his arms in front of his chest. Iwaizumi opened his mouth to answer but suddenly he wasn’t able to from any words, he just broke eye contact with Oikawa and looked down at the ground while scratching the back of his neck awkwardly. After few seconds of silence, Oikawa let out the sigh and spoke up again. “I realized it when we were in the last year of middle school. You remember those guys who weren’t leaving me alone because they were jealous of how girls were only paying attention to me and not them?”</p><p>“Aren’t some of them at our school now?” Iwaizumi asked after nodding.</p><p>“Yeah, only three of them but it’s not important right now. Remember how you found me in locker room with them while there were about to beat me up for apparently talking to the girl one of them liked?” Iwaizumi nodded again. “Do you also remember what you told me when we got back home and I broke down crying because of how terrifying that feeling of not being able to do anything because I was so scared was?”</p><p>“Of course, I cupped our face with my hands and looked you in the eyes, saying that I would always protect you and never let anyone harm you.” Iwaizumi answered, earning small smile from Oikawa. “I also remember how you started crying even more after that.”</p><p>“Those words meant a lot, okay?!” Oikawa blew out his cheeks and Iwaizumi could swear he saw how he blushed. “It was comforting to hear that someone cared about me that much, and you also having my face in your hands was very adorable.”</p><p>“I was trying to stop you from crying your eyes out and I did more damage.”</p><p>“No, you made me feel loved.” Oikawa whispered out, then looked at Iwaizumi in the eye and reached out to take his hand. “And I wanted you to feel that way too, I just… I was too scared to tell you because I didn’t want us to lose the friendship we have.”</p><p>“Had. The friendship we had.” Iwaizumi interrupted and he noticed how Oikawa flinched at the words. “Because I want us to be more than friends… Do you?”</p><p>“Why are you even asking?! I told you I’ve been in love with you for almost four years! Do you think I don’t want to be in relationship with you?!” Oikawa said loudly and before Iwaizumi could react, Oikawa threw his hands around his neck and hugged him tightly but the problem was that Iwaizumi wasn’t about to keep his balance because of that, so he stumbled backwards and suddenly his back was on the dirty ground.</p><p>“Dumbass, my clothes are going to get dirty!”</p><p>“I don’t care.” Oikawa said quietly and hid his face in Iwaizumi’s neck while tightening his grip around him. Iwaizumi smiled slightly and wrapped his hand around Oikawa’s body as well while playing with his hair with another one. They stayed there for god knows how long but Iwaizumi didn’t care, he was too happy about being with Oikawa to care.</p><p>“Yes, and then we can-“ Iwaizumi was in the middle of explaining project to his teammates in class when he was interrupted by the sound of his phone ringing. He quickly apologized to them and left the classroom, walking towards the window in the hallway while taking out his phone from the pocket. “Hello?”</p><p>“Hajime, is Tooru with you?” Iwaizumi looked around confused, trying to spot if Oikawa even was in the hallway, it was weird that he wasn’t though. He texted Iwaizumi that he would be at school in ten minutes and it has been around an hour since that and Iwaizumi didn’t have time to text back or check gym because of the stupid project he had to do because he needed extra grade. Why was Oikawa’s mom calling him anyways? It wasn’t like he would get hurt while coming to school, he probably started watching TV before leaving and lost track of time… Right?</p><p>“No, he’s not with me. I don’t even know if he’s school or not. Why?” Before he could even realize, he was already walking out from the main building, walking towards the gym.</p><p>“I called at home and he wasn’t there, I also called him on his phone and it said number was unavailable. I don’t have good feeling about this, can you check the gym if he’s there?” She seemed more nervous than Iwaizumi has ever heard her to be and he couldn’t help himself from getting anxious as well, what if something did happen to him. But what could’ve possibly happened to eighteen years old boy on his way to school?</p><p>“Hey! Is Oikawa here?!” He asked with shaky voice as soon as he walked into the gymnasium. He didn’t know anyone that was there except Hanamaki who was talking to someone from basketball team. He frowned when he saw Iwaizumi’s pale face and shaky hands and started walking towards him.</p><p>“He’s not here, what happened?” He answered and placed his hand on Iwaizumi’s shoulder, trying to calm him down. Iwaizumi swallowed and raised his hand, telling Oikawa’s mother on the phone that he was not there as well.</p><p>“Tooru… He’s not at home, he’s not at school either and he’s not here. He texted me he would be here in ten minutes but it has been almost an hour after that.” Iwaizumi answered when they walked out in the courtyard. He sat down on the bench as he went through his contacts and dialed Oikawa’s number.</p><p>“What if he went to park nearby?”</p><p>“Why would he text me that he would be at school in minutes then?” Iwaizumi said as he waited for Oikawa to pick up his phone. Like his mother said, it was unavailable.</p><p>“Maybe he went to see Karasuno practicing?” Hanamaki suggested and Iwaizumi could hear panic in his voice as well. Hanamaki panicking didn’t happen very often.</p><p>“In the middle of a morning in a school day he went to another side of town to see our rival team practice? He might be weird but he’s not that weird.” Iwaizumi said while shaking his head and got up from bench. “I have to look for him. I have feeling something bad happened, Takahiro, I just-“</p><p>“Hey! Calm down. Go, I’ll tell Issei everything and just… call us when you find him so I can yell at him for scaring us like that.” Hanamaki said and without waiting for Iwaizumi’s answer, he turned around and quickly started walking towards the school building.</p><p>Iwaizumi looked around. He didn’t have time to talk to teacher about letting him go home, he had to sneak out. He quickly walked towards the gate of the school and before anyone could notice what he was doing, he basically ran out from the courtyard. He would probably have to face the consequences of his actions but he didn’t have time to worry about that now, he had to find Oikawa and kick his ass for scaring the life out of him.</p><p>He couldn’t even realize how quickly he got to his house until he was standing in front of his mother in the kitchen, Oikawa’s mom talking to someone on the phone – probably she took a day off from work today to find where Oikawa was.</p><p>“Anything new?” He choked out because he was scared to hear an answer. What if something bad happened to him? What if he was dying in ditch somewhere? What if-</p><p>“No, before you came here, I went to see all the placed he always goes to when he’s upset or want to be alone, I couldn’t find him.” His mom answered and took a step forward, taking Iwaizumi’s freezing and shaky hands in her own, trying to calm him down. “Calm down, he’s okay… he’s just-“ Voice died in her throat because he knew no matter what she said, Iwaizumi wouldn’t be able to calm down till he saw Oikawa alive and well with his own eyes.</p><p>He freed himself from her hold, nervously sliding his fingers in his hair and then turning around to look at Oikawa’s mother. “I can’t stay here and do nothing. I’m going to look for him on my own. I’ll call you if I find him.” He said firmly and before they even had a chance to argue with him, he walked out from the house.</p><p>“God damn it, Tooru, you know I hate when you decide to pull out a prank on me. Where are you?” Iwaizumi whispered to himself as he quickly started walking. He didn’t even know where to start looking. Where could he possibly go?</p><p>His mom said she checked every place Oikawa always goes to when he wants to be alone and he wasn’t there. Suddenly, a realization hit him that if he really was going to school and that was when something bad happened to him, he should’ve started looking in that area.</p><p>He looked in every corner around the school for almost an hour, still not a sign of Tooru.</p><p>“They probably already called the police.” Iwaizumi thought and looked around again. He was about to turn around and go back home, when he suddenly he realized that there was only one building he didn’t check behind of. And he had the feeling that he was not going to like whatever he saw there. He felt how his fingers started to get numb as he dragged his feet and as closer as he got to the building, his heart started to beat faster and faster.</p><p>Iwaizumi felt how his breath got stuck in his throat when he looked behind the building.</p><p>Suddenly, he couldn’t hear, feel or think anything. It was like the world has stopped moving and everything lost its meaning. It felt like everything around Iwaizumi shattered into million sharp pieces. He couldn’t look away from the scene in front of him.</p><p>Bag was somewhere near him, just like cracked phone on the ground. He didn’t even think about checking those, he couldn’t move. He couldn’t look away.</p><p>All he could do was to stare at Tooru as he placed his hand on the brick wall so he wouldn’t fall down. He was sure that if he did, it wouldn’t hurt. Nothing would hurt like this.</p><p>Nothing would hurt as much as watching Tooru sitting on the ground, his cream sweater vest and white blazer covered in the dark red. He was sitting in the pool of his own blood.</p><p>He was staring forward, not looking directly at anything, his eyes didn’t have the spark inside them like they always did, his eyes were cold and lifeless.</p><p>Iwaizumi felt like throwing up. The smell of blood made him nauseous.</p><p>He couldn’t believe this was happening. This had to be just some horrible, twisted nightmare.</p><p>He didn’t know how long he stood there, frozen, not being able to function. But after a while he finally managed to move from the wall and take a step closer to Oikawa. He could feel how he was shaking and it was taking him every amount of self-control not to throw up right there. When he got closer enough, he kneeled down next to him and felt how his pants got soaked in viscous liquid but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything other than Tooru right now.</p><p>“T-tooru… Hey, Tooru, can you hear me?” After few seconds, he finally managed to choke the words out. Nothing. Of course, there was no answer.</p><p>Iwaizumi sank down on the ground even more and moved closer to Oikawa, taking his face in his shaky hands and making him turn his head around to look at him. His face was filled with cuts, bruises and blood. It made Iwaizumi’s blood boil but Tooru’s was cold.</p><p>Cold. His face was as cold as ice.</p><p>Where was the warmth Iwaizumi always felt when he took Tooru’s face in his hands?</p><p>Where was the feeling of Oikawa grinning as he placed his forehead against his?</p><p>Where was that person that was full of love and light he was in love with?</p><p>Iwaizumi tried to push down the feeling of throwing up again, he had to do something, anything. He had to help him somehow. He just wasn’t going to accept the fact that person he loved was gone. The person he talked with about their future only few hours ago. The person that was by his side his whole life. He was <em>not</em> gone.</p><p>Iwaizumi wasn’t going to accept that fact that easily.</p><p>“Hey! This is not funny anymore! Just- You’re not- Tooru you-“ Iwaizumi couldn’t finish the sentence. He looked down at Oikawa’s chest. The biggest stain of blood was very close to his heart, probably only centimeters away from his heart. Iwaizumi raised his shaky and now already covered in blood hand and placed it over the wound.</p><p>Cold. Just like his face, his chest was also cold. He couldn’t feel his heartbeat.</p><p>That was the moment when Iwaizumi had to accept that Tooru was dead. But he’d rather do anything else than that. He couldn’t accept it.</p><p>He needed him and Tooru wasn’t that selfish to leave him behind. He wasn’t.</p><p>
  <em>“But I’m too young to die! I have so much more to live for!”</em>
</p><p>The words suddenly floated in Iwaizumi’s mind. He remembered how Oikawa grinned while saying that sentence. How full of life he was when he said that.</p><p>And that was when Iwaizumi felt something inside him crumbling down.</p><p>“No, no, Tooru! Please, please!” Iwaizumi couldn’t help himself from yelling out. He reached out to take Oikawa’s frozen hand that was lifelessly resting in the pool of blood in his own. “Please don’t leave me, you can’t leave me. Not right now when I need you the most.”</p><p>Iwaizumi felt how hot tears started to make their way down on his cheeks, falling down and fading in the red color that was all around them. Iwaizumi let out an inhuman broken sob as he threw his hand around Oikawa’s neck, making him bury his face in his neck – just like he always loved to do. He once told Iwaizumi that he loved of feeling the warmth of Iwaizumi.</p><p>“Please, Tooru. I love you so much, you can’t leave now. Not now and not ever. Please!” Iwaizumi only realized he was yelling when he felt the burning feeling in the back of his throat. He heard the sound of someone running towards the behind building but he didn’t care. He didn’t care about anything. All he could think about right now was how the person he loved more than himself was gone. And how he was never coming back no matter what Iwaizumi yelled or sobbed out – he couldn’t even hear him. He heard how someone gasped behind him but he didn’t care, he didn’t even look at whoever it was. He pressed Oikawa’s body against his even harder and buried his face in Oikawa’s somehow still soft hair.</p><p>He continued shaking, sobbing his heart out and begging Oikawa to come back. He didn’t let go of Oikawa’s body even after police came to the place of an accident. He continued yelling something that was somewhere between “I can’t leave him” and “Please, Tooru, come back” until he felt someone using full force to drag him away from Oikawa. He felt someone wrapping their hands around his body and taking them away from Oikawa.</p><p>As soon as he was in the front of the building again, he collapsed on the ground, staring down at the pavement as he heard how policemen were talking to each other loudly, as he heard how policeman and paramedic rushed towards him and as he heard how his mother called out his name, sitting down on the ground next to him and placing his hands on his shoulders.</p><p>When Iwaizumi looked up, he saw Oikawa’s mom standing close to big tree in front of him, frozen. Probably feeling as numb as Iwaizumi did, if not more. He didn’t even have the energy of talking, or asking how they got here, how they knew Iwaizumi was here.</p><p>He couldn’t form words in his mouth, he didn’t even fight the paramedic as she rolled the sleeve of his button up shirt up and Iwaizumi felt needle cutting through his skin.</p><p>After that everything went black but Iwaizumi couldn’t get the image of Oikawa sitting lifelessly in the behind of that damned building covered in blood out from his mind.</p><p>He didn’t think he would ever be able to. Because that was the moment when Iwaizumi did find Oikawa, but that was also the moment when he lost him.</p><p>“What the hell was that dream…” Iwaizumi said with hoarse voice as he sat up on the bed, the heels of his palms pressed against his eyes. That was probably one of the most horrible and terrifying dreams he has ever seen. He slid hands in his hair and opened his eyes.</p><p>“Iwaizumi…” He looked around with confused face when he heard Hanamaki’s shaky voice. His friend was sitting on the floor next to him, eyes red and swollen from crying. Iwaizumi saw how Matsukawa was sitting on the other side of his bed, head buried in his hands while looking down at the floor. His mom was standing in the entrance of his room, not daring to look at him in the face which confused Iwaizumi even more than he already was.</p><p>“Why are you guys looking like someone died?” Iwaizumi started to get more and more worried when none of them answered his question and when he looked back at Matsukawa, he saw how tightly he had his hand wrapped around that stupid friendship bracelet Tooru made for all four of them years ago. They never stopped teasing him about it, but all of them secretly loved wearing it. “This is not funny anymore!”</p><p>“Iwaizumi… Wha- don’t you remember? You found him, you found Oikawa but he was already go-“ Before Hanamaki could finish the sentence, Iwaizumi raised his hand and looked at him like he was about to say a curse. Then he sat up even more on the bed and looked down at his clothes. He was still wearing his school uniform. It was still covered in blood.</p><p>So, it wasn’t a dream? Tooru was actually gone?</p><p>“No… No, this can’t be happening.” Iwaizumi said and covered his face with his with his hands, tears starting to fill his eyes again. “He can’t be gone. He can’t-“</p><p>He didn’t know when he started crying. He didn’t know when he started sobbing and he couldn’t realize it was happening till he felt his mother sitting down on the bed in front of him as she wrapped her hands around him, Iwaizumi burring his face in her neck.</p><p>Only one thought was stuck in his head – Tooru was dead. And he was never coming back.</p><p>Iwaizumi heard how Matsukawa let out a choked sob and apologized under his breath, quickly getting up and walking out from the room, Hanamaki going after him.</p><p>“Please tell me this is not real… Please tell me I’m just seeing a nightmare…” Iwaizumi sobbed out while grabbing her shirt tightly.</p><p>“I’m sorry, Hajime…”</p><p>Iwaizumi didn’t really remember the funeral truth be told, he remembered somehow dragging himself up from the bed, getting dressed, getting in the car with his parents and going to cemetery. He remembered hearing people crying and sobbing. He remembered seeing few members from Karasuno and Shiratorizawa there.</p><p>He remembered his team being there too, of course. Matsukawa and Hanamaki were standing next to Iwaizumi. Yahaba, Kyoutani and Watari were standing on the opposite side from them, Yahaba was trying his best to not break down crying right in front of everyone so he was just holding Kyoutani’s hand as tightly as he possibly could. Kunimi who tried to never show emotions had tears streaming down on his face, not even bothering to dry them while Kindaichi was standing next to him frozen, probably couldn’t believe it was actually happening and wasn’t just some big twisted nightmare – just like Iwaizumi.</p><p>From Karasuno and Shiratorizawa there were mostly third years and Kageyama, ones who knew Tooru. Kageyama was staring down at the ground, not even daring to look at Iwaizumi, their gray-haired setter had tears in his eyes just like his two other friends. Ushijima had cold expression on his face but Iwaizumi remembered seeing the amount of sadness in his eyes that he didn’t think he would see – same for their other members.</p><p>However, he didn’t remember what he said about Tooru. But he was sure it was something about how amazing and loving and hardworking person he was. He didn’t remember what happened after that, he didn’t remember what he talked to Ushijima and Karasuno’s captain about. He didn’t remember what he told to his team. He didn’t remember what he told to Tooru’s parents before he left.</p><p>He didn’t even dare to look at Oikawa’s house when they were on their way back to house.</p><p>He didn’t remember how he ended up on his bed, face buried in the pillow, sobbing and wailing, begging every possible god that existed to give him Tooru back.</p><p>Police didn’t know who did it. Whoever did it, they were smart enough to not leave any evidence behind. But they suspected that there was more than only one person, three to be more specific – one who was holding him down, one who was beating him up and last one who stabbed him to death. It was funny that Iwaizumi knew who did it, but he didn’t say anything because he knew he wouldn’t be able to prove anything. He found the fact bitterly funny that people who killed his boyfriend and childhood best friend were the ones who made Tooru’s life living hell in middle school and for what? Because they were jealous of how much attention girls were giving him and not them. They refused to see that Oikawa didn’t care about it, he was in love with Iwaizumi more than anything else. If they only paid attention to see all of that. If they only realized how much damage they would cause.</p><p>What was the point of saying it, though? It wouldn’t bring Tooru back. Nothing would.</p><p>Iwaizumi didn’t go to school for another week or more after his funeral. He didn’t go to Tooru’s house either, no matter how much he wanted to. He didn’t even go to team practices, but he doubted than anyone even went, hell why would they? What was the point of practicing without their team captain? Iwaizumi didn’t see point in anything anymore, really. He didn’t know what to do now or what he was going to do in near future. Every plan he had included Tooru and he didn’t have energy to think about new plans, he wasn’t sure he even wanted to. He didn’t leave his bed most of the time, he thought if he even tried to get up, he would just fall down on the floor. So, he just lied there, staring at nothing and tried to ignore everyone and everything around him. Even his parents and his friends that came to check on him.</p><p>Few days ago, it was Yahaba who came to see him, neither of them said anything. Iwaizumi was still in bed while Yahaba was sitting on the floor next to him, staring directly at the wall where Iwaizumi’s desk was placed against. That was the wall that Iwaizumi avoided most.</p><p>It was full of his and Tooru’s photos – when they were just kids, when they went to kindergarten, when they went to elementary school, then to middle school and then to high school. There were also pictures where Tooru was making stupid faces and Iwaizumi was just looking at him with annoyed face, but him making those expressions always made Iwaizumi smile no matter what. Putting up those pictures on the wall was Tooru’s idea, he did the same in his room too – claiming that now they didn’t only have matching clothes, they also had matching walls. Iwaizumi found it stupid at first, but when they finished doing it, it felt like the missing piece of his room was suddenly there. Iwaizumi loved it.</p><p>After a while, Iwaizumi finally managed to leave the bed. He needed to shower and he suddenly wanted to go to Tooru’s room. He didn’t know why, he knew it would cause him pain, but he still wanted to and he did. He offered small smile to Tooru’s parents he went inside and they didn’t ask him anything, he was grateful for that. He went straight up to Tooru’s room but as soon as he was standing in front of the door, his hand on the handle, he felt like his feet were frozen on the floor. He took a deep breath and stepped inside.</p><p>It was dark inside but everything was the same. Bed was perfectly made, like always, books and notebooks on his desk, volleyball in the corner, his stupid alien figures on the shelves.</p><p>It was so familiar, yet still so unfamiliar. Probably because Tooru wasn’t there.</p><p>His volleyball uniform was placed in the edge of his bed, his white jacket next to it.</p><p>Iwaizumi didn’t bother to close the door behind him, he slowly walked towards the bed and sat down on the edge of it, softly touching the clothes and feeling how tears started to fill his eyes.</p><p>He took the jersey in his hands and brought it closer to him.</p><p>It still smelled like him. Everything in the room did.</p><p>It broke Iwaizumi’s heart but it also made him feel comforted because he felt like Tooru was still there, by his side. Tear made its way down on his cheek and dropped on the fabric.</p><p>“Do you want to keep it?” Iwaizumi slightly jumped when suddenly he heard the voice of Tooru’s mom. He quickly looked at her with confused face, then back at jersey and his white jacket and after few seconds of thinking, he nodded. He always loved wearing Tooru’s jacket, it was lot bigger on him and it felt comfortable. She smiled at him slightly and stepped inside the room, looking around with sad smile on her face. “I haven’t been here for week or two. I couldn’t bring myself to walk inside and not see him doing homework, or not see him lying on his bed and talking to you, or not see him watching the movies he probably saw thousand times when he was here. I couldn’t accept the fact that I would never be able to see him again, I’ll probably never be strong enough to do it.”</p><p>“I get it… Sometimes… Sometimes I think that it’s just a horrible nightmare and when I wake up, he’ll be here, he’ll smile at me and start talking about volleyball or what kind of house he would love to move in after we got married.” Iwaizumi answered with trembling voice and tightened his grip on the jersey. “I promised him that I would protect him no matter what, I was supposed to protect him from harm no matter what, I made him a promise and I failed to keep my word.”</p><p>“What happened was not your fault, Hajime. There was nothing you could do… What happened was something neither of us could protect him from because we couldn’t even think about someone being capable of doing such a thing. You made him happy, happier than you can ever imagine. Don’t blame it on yourself for it because it wasn’t your fault and Tooru wouldn’t want you to think that it was… He knew how much you loved him.”</p><p>“He didn’t deserve this… I didn’t even- I didn’t even get to say goodbye…” Iwaizumi cried.</p><p>“What was the last thing you said to him if you don’t mind me asking?”</p><p>“I told him that I’d see him later.” Iwaizumi said quietly and waited for her to tell him something, anything. He couldn’t bear the silence in the room anymore.</p><p>“Then trust me, that is better than saying goodbye.” She said after few minutes and let out a small sigh. “You can take anything that reminds you of him if you want… I know how hard all of this is for you, but remember how he hated seeing you sad?”</p><p>“Yeah, he always told me that when I was sad, I was not the Iwa-chan he knew, whatever that meant.” Iwaizumi said with smile on his face while staring at the 1 on the jersey.</p><p>“He always hated when someone around him was on the bad mood, especially you. He always tried to cheer everyone up, even if he was on the edge of breaking down.”</p><p>“It’s unfair…” Iwaizumi sobbed out after few minutes of silence. He brought jersey close to his face and continued crying loudly. “He didn’t deserve this… He was supposed to graduate, go to college, then go to Argentina and play volleyball professionally. After few years he would come back and we would get married. He even knew which cat he wanted to buy when we moved in house together… He was too young to die… Especially like that, behind some building without anyone knowing he was there, bleeding out to death… He had so many plans, he wanted to do so many things… He just wanted to play volleyball.”</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>... iwaizumi also took tooru's favourite alien figure from his room and when he went to visit Argentina, he took it with him.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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